I.
In the depths of the Self
A River of Prayer
You're not aware
But it's there
II.
These individual moments, which I thought to be like separate beads upon a string... strands of my life: Now appearing ... as I look back ... part of a single braid... now disclosing its secret beauty.
Or perhaps like a mine that's gradually being dug in one place. As if my life were like a piece of ground I'm standing on, ground I've been given. And as I dig down, gradually, over the years, mining my life: Sometimes for its insights and blessings. More often just the daily shoveling of dirt. But from time to time, I find ... there in the darkness ... beautiful jewels - like sparks of darkness... leading me on.
Especially has suffering - on behalf of others particularly, but also my own - hollowed me out, deepened me - opened me up, through yearning and stretching at times of utter extremity: Seeking to feel my way into the hidden heart and soul of another. To place myself in a receptive state. Or to bear the unbearable, along with others. Or weather the storms of emotion in the mystery of relationship.Even when I was looking in all the wrong places for the wrong things... that emptiness or nothingness or receptivity or openness - seems to have been answered or echoed or set up an inner resonance, to which I responded, or which simply rose up like a fountain. As if it's been going on there all the time - and I never knew. Like a stream running through me - of which I am also a part.
I think we need to value where we're stuck. Rather than try to get away from it. To mine it. To take what we've been dealt - and dwell with it. That stuckness may be a place of potential transcendence.
Not that I'm very good at any of this .....
III.
Newly arisen -
An emptiness
Appears and reappears
A solitude
A space
A sense of freedom
In the hurly-burly
Of my day
My soul?
A sign
Of the Divine?
A foretaste?
IV. This lovely photo of stratofrog's seems to belong here. Click on it and enlarge it. Ponder it. There is so much in this photo. So much beauty. So much mystery. So much sheltering darkness. The transcendent beauty of the clouds above. Opening in places. The mysterious translucent peach colors in the distance... like a channel between heaven and earth, clouds and mountains. It says so much to me! Thank you, stratofrog!
V.
I am beautiful
in my soul.
There --
Even the dark places
are beautiful
In silence and in mystery
6 comments:
Well I find it a matter of perception. Am I stuck somewhere? Or am I just lingering.
And what is here anyway. I mean what can I find here since I am here anyway. ha!!!
It is like I can pretend some force has put me here so I might as well make use of my placement.
Hope this works today. I 'logged in. So we shall see.
Dearest Forestroot, so good to see you here. Yes, logging in helps! Makes all the difference!
And I wonder if the "metaphor" of "logging in" is something you can use for probing where you're "stuck" or "lingering". Have you "logged in" with your soul lately? Have you yearned with all your heart - not with fancy words, but with your difficulties and your limitations? I'm not saying you haven't, but I sense hesitancy, confusion. Log in with your doubts. Log in with your questions. Log in with your confusion. If that's where you are - then that's where you need to start.
I'm no expert here, my dearest friend. But from everything I've seen (over these many months - elsewhere), you have a deep spirituality - and that comes across. You have an ability to be accepting of others. To give of yourself. To receive.
I would suggest you just sit quietly (every day - for a little bit) with all your doubts and questions and fears and discouragement - and know that you are loved - just as you are. Hang onto that belief - in spite of all your doubts. Because I assure you it's true: You are loved. And if I (and many others) love you, how could this not be part of a Divine Love? I'm going to put up a poem - I've put it up elsewhere - as you know. Maybe it will comfort you.
Please feel free to pour out your heart - via email if you prefer. But you have a beautiful heart. Full of goodness and caring and beauty. I am certain of it.
I am here for you. Never forget that. I believe in you.
Peace and love, my friend.
We are the ground. Do we mine ourselves or nurture what grows from us? Metaphors are so difficult sometimes.
We are. Discrete yet connected. We are also becoming. Becoming what? And can we direct that? Should we? Or did we set some purpose before taking on this form? Or are we here, at this moment because we are some necessary ingredient to a recipe which we do not understand? Somehow I think that there is more to all of this than each individual trying to figure out who they are. There seem to be connections, patterns of connections, between us and through us and to the larger processes of life in all its aspects.
"I think we need to value where we're stuck. Rather than try to get away from it. To mine it. To take what we've been dealt - and dwell with it. That stuckness may be a place of potential transcendence."
This is so true of the grief I've been living with for over 5 years, the death of my daughter. There is no turning away, just the hope that we as a family can transcend this and go on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
As I've often said: "A question is a very good place to start." And sadly, a grief is also. We need to start from where we are.
Lisa, my heart is with you - a grief never really dies. It may transform us. Yes, may you transcend. Peace be with you.
Rowan, I am sure we are "becoming" - and I think we have some ability to say "yes" or "no" - with regard to cooperating with that becoming. Because I so agree with you that we are - none of us - really separate. We are part of these larger "connections, patterns of connections, between us and through us and to the larger processes of life in all its aspects." I so agree with these words of yours.
I am certain that each of us has our own metaphors, what we've gleaned in terms of wisdom or our own inner development as we go through life. There is no one route, no one metaphor, no one kind of practice that is right for everyone.
In your case, Rowan, I feel pretty certain that you need to trust your own inner compass - and that yours is a task of nurturing - maybe even learning to nurture (both what grows from the soil and what's in the soil as well - so also to nurture the roots and what seems to cling to the roots in addition to what springs up). And maybe trust as well a few you meet along your path.
My task may be a very different one from yours (or from Lisa's) - but in no way do I urge it on you or anyone. And I've always, always felt that my life was "a process" - as is this blog. For me, this very blog (Nothingness)is somehow a part of that process at the moment, to put some of it out on the web - in hopes that it may somehow be of benefit.
Indeed, I've lately found a quote, about the necessity of depth in the pursuit of justice, which helps me to understand the "turning - point" that led to this blog: "To withstand the winds of tyranny, justice needs deep roots and a rich soil in which to sink them."
I began thinking of this blog as flowing from all my wresting with painful political topics. The quote also reminded me of a blog in Feb which asked if freedom was possible without justice - but now I see that in a way this very blog deepens that question and other questions I have been implicitly asking. Because what precedes justice? Or what under-girds it? Since justice, without my having realized it, was in a sense the topic of so many blogs at TPM.
So I'm finding my way in this blog, in my life. And in no way do I ever assume or assert that the way I feel drawn to is right for everyone. I affirm the necessity for each person to grow from right where they are. To be themselves.
The blog on freedom and justice is here (not that I'm urging anyone to read it - but to save time if you're curious):
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/therap/2009/02/is-freedom-possible-without-ju.php
And here's something that I wrote long ago - and put up on this other blog that relates more to my work in therapy - about "gardening" and "plants" and being yourself, in case it's helpful (this one I do recommend):
http://pieces4nothing.blogspot.com/2009/07/garden.html
You will like the one tree, Rowan.
You may find this one helpful too, Lisa.
You as well, Forestroot.
I give you - and any who may read here - my blessing: For peace and well-being.
Maybe somebody can tell me how to use the HTML tags "a" and "/a" to get an active link! I can see it "acts" as if there are links above. (If you email me that will work too - and then I'll erase this and fix the comment above...)
Sorry about the links not being "active" as I'd hoped....
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